coagulated dairy! yes!!

I take serious issue with sour cream commercials.

first of all - there is absolutely nothing appealing about someone running a ridged potato chip through a vat of straight-up sour cream with a few chives sprinkled on top. or, even better, some bland-looking white dude spooning a vast amount of the stuff onto a fajita and grinning like he can't possibly imagine a more fortunate scenario.

also, the word "dollop"? a) there are only so many times a human being can hear that word repeated in a 30-second period of time before wanting to tear their own ears off and b) when does anyone ever actually use that word in colloquial conversation? imagine your lover crawling across the bed to you, looking as sexy as humanly possible, then purring in your ear, "baby, I'm going to give you a dollop of my love tonight?" I actually just puked a little bit, thinking about such a thing. gross. fuck you, sour cream.

observation.

I decided the other night that there’s little I loathe more in this world than yogurt commercials. you know, the one where it’s a bunch of women on their cordless phones with one another, in various business-casual ensembles - or post-workout clothing, a much worse offense - talking about how NAUGHTY they were last night, the simply DECADENT treats they oh-so-sinfully snacked on…then cut to the Yoplait display! LOLZ! it’s fucking YOGURT YOU FOOLS! I CAN EAT AS MUCH OF THIS SHIT AS I WANT AND ALL IT’S GOING TO DO IS MAKE ME POOP!

actually, I learned back in AP English that the word “decadent” actually means “in a state of decay.” how that translates to dessert I’ll never know...