my aging, crumbling body.

today, the mere act of standing up - after having been sitting for about an hour, sending resume after resume to temp agencies, in The Job Search That Will Never End - caused a ligament in my knee to go FUCK YOU and send me tumbling onto the floor.

as I was lying there, the prevalent thought in my head was merely, "well, here we go."

I've gotten used to random pains and malfunctions. this isn't a statement meant to garner sympathy, it's just the truth. I've been cursed with a moody gut, allergies to both inside and outside things, a weaker immune system than most, and in recent years, an affliction that seems to be carpal tunnel but just can't decide which wrist it would rather hang out in.

and I've accepted all of this. my body doesn't work as well as others, that's just how I was made. so, I make it a point to carry Tums, Claritin, immune-strengthening vitamins, and painkillers everywhere I go.


but the Knee Thing. there's only one explanation for it, and that's this: it's been overused. and, since I'm not a marathon runner or any other Legit Athlete, the overuse can only stem from the fact that I've been using it for 26 years. (or that I spend too much time on my knees, go ahead, just get it out of your system so I can continue.)

and I believe that this is just how it's going to be, as part of getting older. I've known people who cross the threshold into their thirties, whose aches and pains require regular chiropractor visits, or even surgery. backs, knees, necks, all these wads of bones and strings and muscly bits...they're not made to last forever.


but I'm prepared. in fact, I'm certain that the older I get, the more legit my complaining will get, about aches and pains, and hell, just about everything else. I'm completely justified in freaking out on just about every birthday following my 30th. and sometimes, in my darkest, most twisted moments, I think about how awesome it might be to be an old lady. that way, I'll finally have grown into my salty disposition.


in the meantime, I should probably start cane shopping...

"get the hell off my lawn."